Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Additional "Doody" (like poop get-it???) ;)

In my profession we have these things called "additional duties" that are not really what you do on a daily basis, but is other shit that you may or may not be trained for and are most assuredly held responsible for. Basically it is something that needs to be done, that no one wants to do, and we can't afford to hire some extra schmo to do this job.

My favorite "additional duty" is supply. Yes this thing that I don't really do everyday is basically all I have done for the past few days of work. Every morning someone decides they need a new pen, then about 3 hours later someone needs a paper clip, then someone fucks me all up asking for shit that I have never heard of, I can't think of what it was she said right now, but turns out it was a stand for her computer monitor. (Did you know you can adjust the height with the stand it came with?) "Oh yes, I just like the space it gives me under the monitor (to pile more non-work related shit into my cube!!!!!)

Now supply is an entirely different profession than what I am trained in and the guy that handed me the reigns of this ball of shit had NO clue how to account for things, like, he didn't even have the right serial numbers on stuff. I know, I know, just let me rant, or stop reading...

So today, I get tasked with the joyous chore of unfucking these 3 computers. Don't ask what is wrong with them, they were put in a closet, and that is all I know about them. Well first thing first let me see who they belong to...wait, I don't have a record of those serial numbers...WTF!!!??? How the fuck does this happen? "Well do you have "Jerry's" (actual name withheld to ensure your plausible deniability) phone number? Call him and see what the deal was with them." My reply (in my head of course) "You fucking call him! I am not calling this chode in NY to find out why he didn't do something else that he should have."

2 hours later I found out that they were supposed to be turned in a year ago. ( I took over from this guy 2 months ago) Oh by the way, you will have to type a memo stating the reason they did not get turned in when they were supposed to. Can I say "shithead", "asshole", "ass-munching rim job", "ass-clown", or even just plain "fuck stick" in a memo?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Are you serious??!!!

Today the guy that sits across from me came back to work after being gone since mid December. The guy is nice and all, but I swear, all he talks about is football. He is a huge cowboys fan, like the kind of guy that would do something like this if there was a "Cowboy" truck. I forgot how annoying his tirades could be!

"I don't want the Steelers to win, because I don't want them to get 6 rings before the Cowboys do."

Seriously dude?! Is it that important to you? I totally understand loving your team but this guy never shuts up about his team. Each loss was chalked up to poor calls by the officiating crew or the other team cheating somehow. Nothing was fair if they lost. 

I am sure you can understand how irritating this might get after an entire season.  I just hope he doesn't start watching NASCAR..."oh look there making another left turn!!!"  (start at 1:00 mark and watch till you wanna stop.)

Monday, January 12, 2009

Objects in the rear view

It all makes sense. Why do I hate tailgaters and speed demons and stupid drivers so much? Well today I figured it out. When we redeployed from Iraq, my gunner was on leave and was killed in a car accident. He was with 2 of his friends and his fiancĂ© going through an intersection when they were t-boned by a drunk driver who ran a red light. Now this kid was hit by 6 IEDs in the year prior and lived through every one. Only to be killed in his home town by some drunk fuck?!!!  

When we redeployed from Afghanistan, my best friend and I both moved to where I am now. Several (like 5) months after we got here, he was killed in a car accident. Unfortunately I can't blame a drunk though, because he was sober. He was just driving too fast. So 2 people that I have gone to combat with; both made it home, only to be killed at home by stupidity. 

So if you are ever tailgating someone and they turn around and look you in the eye and mouth the words "what the fuck".... nice to meet you!



Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sleep overs

The oldest had a friend sleepover Saturday. All was fine, but I am starting to wonder if there are rules or unspoken norms that parents are supposed to know about when having other kids spend the night. I mean when and if it is appropriate to yell at your kid in front of his friend? And how exactly do you "kindly" remind your little angel that he is not Billy Bad-Ass and that you are tired of his "I always act like this to my stupid parents" antics. I am quite certain that all of these are reasons that I never had a friend spend the night while I was a kid, but I am sure that I am not the only one with these questions. I mean do you just put discipline on hold and then let him have it once the guest leaves, or do you just make empty threats or punish your kid and the one spending the night by taking stuff away (like my favorite:  video games)?

For some reason it just feels wrong to take away something from the kid who is spending the night just because mine can't or won't behave. I also think that it would be beneficial discipline wise to embarrass him from time to time by taking away their fun because he was being a butt.

I am torn because I see good and bad in both instances, and I am just not sure which way is the best.

Any ideas???

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Your IOU

All you have to do is click on the title of this post and be whisked away into teeny-bopper hell!  The clip is super long, but all I ask is that you watch the first minute.  Now tell me that didn't like make you like laugh like totally like hard, and stuff.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Months Later

I tried to post this last night using my iPhone, and a program called lifecast, but life cast sucks ass, so here is what I typed but did not post...

Wow, it's been a while; huh?

So I guess the first thing would be to say thank you for not giving up on this blog and its "hit and miss" author. I can only hope that my love of technology and my sometimes inability to master it doesn't keep me from keeping you entertained.

Doesn't it sound strange when you say the same word twice I the same sentence? Kind of like saying: “if I do do American Idol, wait like I just totally said do do American Idol.” For those of you that know what I am talking about, you know you laughed. Those that are clueless, sorry but I can’t do links from my iPhone, consider this a foreshadowing of California’s tax returns….IOU!!!

Now I know that I just posted this on a computer, but if I try to link it, I fear the guys in black would come in and take me. And I am not the type of guy to get a cell phone delivered mere seconds before they get here.