I had to go see Dr. Spock yesterday. I had been feeling VERY similar to how I felt a few weeks ago. No desire, yada, yada, yada. I had 2 "symptoms" that I did not have before though, I had/have been REALLY aggresive, and I have really wierd muscle twitches. I'm not looking for diagnosis, I am just trying to get some shit off my chest. When I talk to people, I can somehow control my reactions, but that seems to drain me and I have to go off on my own and allow all these thoughts to run through my head until I get so pissed off that I just want to break something.
I am so fucking tired of this. It has even affected my performance at work. Dr. Spock even talked to my "boss" about some if the inexplicable shit that I have been doing lately. My moodiness has become a personal issue in the classroom. I am losing my platoon after this class graduates on Friday. I can't express how much this all weighs on me. I feel like I should have a sign hanging around my neck that says "shitbag".
Time lapse about 7 hours later....
Hot and cold
Content and pissed
as Kaytabug would say " Jekyll and Hyde"
I hate this more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more... (now you have a small taste of what it feels like in my head!)
Geek meter statement: posted from my iPhone
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I got an iPhone and I fricking LOVE it
Well, it has been about 3 weeks since I got my iPhone and Kaytabug has seen me without it like a handful of times. Now is the perfect example, she is watching "Little People, Big World" and here I am Blogging on my iPhone. I have to admit, the keyboard takes a while to get used to, especially when your thumbs are more like big toes (like mine). But man, the shit that you can do with it is AMAZING! This thing is better than chocolate and sex combined. Well maybe not that great, but for a phone/PDA/iPod, you really can't beat it! Well that's all for this post. If you have an iPhone and need some tips, or you have any questions, leave a comment. I am not a master of it but would love to help you enjoy this toy even more, and in all honesty, you could probably teach me a thing or 2.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Now Where did I put that EKG
Several days and many moods later...
I am now on nothing but Lithium. 900 mg 2 times a day. seems to be better, I am not as confused and foggy as I have been for the past week or so. I hope that this lasts, see I had to go see Dr. Spock earlier this week because of what drug "X" was doing to me. I had the shortest fuse that I have had in a long time. And there were several other undesirable effects.
So here I sit in my classroom avoiding my peers so I won't have to force myself to act a certain way so they don't see what is really going on in my head. I hate the fact that I do this, but I don't know that I would be successful in this profession if I was entirely honest about it. I am supposed to be at a luncheon today, but I have no desire to go, but at the same time I do have a desire not to go. So guess it is all about how you look at it. But then again if that was the solution to everything, why don't we all walk around with a mirror?
They say that the grass is always greener on the other side. Wouldn't it be ironic if I became this unstable bumbling fool because of my actions while I was growing up. Remember in high school, how it was "cool" to be different, and to see things from another perspective, especially if that perspective wasn't always reality based? My guidance counselor thought I might be schizophrenic, yes I know, that is why she worked at a high school!!!! but I think that her saying that may have resulted in a manifestation of psychological symptoms of what I thought schizophrenia would be, and over the years, my brain became used to the ideas and processes that I had.
I guess there is a reason that I turned out to be this way, and maybe that's why I feel such a desire to get better for my family's sake.
And I still haven't posted about my iPhone. WTF?!
"Welcome to Wal*Mart, get yer shit and get out!!!"
I am now on nothing but Lithium. 900 mg 2 times a day. seems to be better, I am not as confused and foggy as I have been for the past week or so. I hope that this lasts, see I had to go see Dr. Spock earlier this week because of what drug "X" was doing to me. I had the shortest fuse that I have had in a long time. And there were several other undesirable effects.
So here I sit in my classroom avoiding my peers so I won't have to force myself to act a certain way so they don't see what is really going on in my head. I hate the fact that I do this, but I don't know that I would be successful in this profession if I was entirely honest about it. I am supposed to be at a luncheon today, but I have no desire to go, but at the same time I do have a desire not to go. So guess it is all about how you look at it. But then again if that was the solution to everything, why don't we all walk around with a mirror?
They say that the grass is always greener on the other side. Wouldn't it be ironic if I became this unstable bumbling fool because of my actions while I was growing up. Remember in high school, how it was "cool" to be different, and to see things from another perspective, especially if that perspective wasn't always reality based? My guidance counselor thought I might be schizophrenic, yes I know, that is why she worked at a high school!!!! but I think that her saying that may have resulted in a manifestation of psychological symptoms of what I thought schizophrenia would be, and over the years, my brain became used to the ideas and processes that I had.
I guess there is a reason that I turned out to be this way, and maybe that's why I feel such a desire to get better for my family's sake.
And I still haven't posted about my iPhone. WTF?!
"Welcome to Wal*Mart, get yer shit and get out!!!"
Thursday, May 01, 2008
BTDTGTS (Click here, It will make more sense)
Today I went to the hospital for a few tests. I should have known it was going to be a bad day...
This trip required me to do something that I had all but forgotten about since my days in New York...Ride in an elevator. I had forgotten all the little things that go into riding an elevator, like who pushes the button first, that you should ask "what floor" if you are the closest to the button, and even the gradual shifting of bodies in the elevator as it slowly ascends or descends to the desired destination. How passengers poise themselves in preparation for the rest of the journey to their, no-doubt, important final destination.
I realized that I was out of touch with this when I got into the elevator and felt guilty about using it to go up 1 floor, so I road on it to the 3rd floor just so I wouldn't make the guy that was in the elevator wait for any longer than was necessary to get to where he was going. So I disembarked on the 3rd floor, same as the other guy, and realized that the only doors there lead to the Operating Room, Clue #1. Obviously I was not about to go in there, so instead I turned around, hit the down button and waited for the vertical chariot to come back so that I might actually push the right fucking button this time and get these tests over with.
So I got on and pushed the right button this time. and I went to the lab, they took blood, and that was that. Now for the fun part...
*****************Front Desk******************************
Retro: "Uh, hi, could you tell me where I need to go for an EKG?
Receptionist type person: "EKG...isn't that Neurology?" Clue #2
Retro: Muffled under breath (Read my blog and look at the 4th thing down on the left side, print it, cut it out and staple it to your fucking forehead!!)
Retro: "No I think it is Cardio, you know Electrocardiogram"
Receptionist type person: "R U sure?" (typed like that because at this point I really think that is how she would spell it.)
Retro: "Where is there a map so I can look at what departments are where?"
Receptionist type person: "idk (Chat lingo for like "I don't know"(twirl your hair to get the full effect.) I think there is one on the 3rd floor."
Retro: "Where are the stairs?"
Receptionist type person: :idk...But the elevator is right there!"
Retro: (again under his breath) I hope I am not expected to give her a treat for a correct answer or something... "THANK YOU" sarcasmsarcasmsarcasmsarcasmsarcasm
3rd Floor, Nice brick walls, nice Operating Room doors, no map.
LOST: 1 Soldier, last seen elevator from HELL!!!
Tune in next time for:
"now where the hell did I put that EGK?"
OR
"FYI, the FAQ desk HTH, TWIMC, DIY, NRN"
This trip required me to do something that I had all but forgotten about since my days in New York...Ride in an elevator. I had forgotten all the little things that go into riding an elevator, like who pushes the button first, that you should ask "what floor" if you are the closest to the button, and even the gradual shifting of bodies in the elevator as it slowly ascends or descends to the desired destination. How passengers poise themselves in preparation for the rest of the journey to their, no-doubt, important final destination.
I realized that I was out of touch with this when I got into the elevator and felt guilty about using it to go up 1 floor, so I road on it to the 3rd floor just so I wouldn't make the guy that was in the elevator wait for any longer than was necessary to get to where he was going. So I disembarked on the 3rd floor, same as the other guy, and realized that the only doors there lead to the Operating Room, Clue #1. Obviously I was not about to go in there, so instead I turned around, hit the down button and waited for the vertical chariot to come back so that I might actually push the right fucking button this time and get these tests over with.
So I got on and pushed the right button this time. and I went to the lab, they took blood, and that was that. Now for the fun part...
*****************Front Desk******************************
Retro: "Uh, hi, could you tell me where I need to go for an EKG?
Receptionist type person: "EKG...isn't that Neurology?" Clue #2
Retro: Muffled under breath (Read my blog and look at the 4th thing down on the left side, print it, cut it out and staple it to your fucking forehead!!)
Retro: "No I think it is Cardio, you know Electrocardiogram"
Receptionist type person: "R U sure?" (typed like that because at this point I really think that is how she would spell it.)
Retro: "Where is there a map so I can look at what departments are where?"
Receptionist type person: "idk (Chat lingo for like "I don't know"(twirl your hair to get the full effect.) I think there is one on the 3rd floor."
Retro: "Where are the stairs?"
Receptionist type person: :idk...But the elevator is right there!"
Retro: (again under his breath) I hope I am not expected to give her a treat for a correct answer or something... "THANK YOU" sarcasmsarcasmsarcasmsarcasmsarcasm
3rd Floor, Nice brick walls, nice Operating Room doors, no map.
LOST: 1 Soldier, last seen elevator from HELL!!!
Tune in next time for:
"now where the hell did I put that EGK?"
OR
"FYI, the FAQ desk HTH, TWIMC, DIY, NRN"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)